What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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