Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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