There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
