I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
