I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
