Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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