So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
