You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
