eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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