Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Randomize
