yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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