Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
