My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
sarcasm needs its own font
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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