so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
