she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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