Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
