right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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