That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
