how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
