and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
