I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
