thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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