I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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