drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
