your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
