Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
