this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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