I wish I only lived at night.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
