Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
