Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
