the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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