Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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