Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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