Pappa wants mamma naked
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
