trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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