Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
