Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
