and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
