I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
