I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
