i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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