another moral hangover. fuck.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
