you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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