seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
