And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
