I accidentally burped into my bong.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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