No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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