I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
