i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
