Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
