sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
